eBay is useful for many things – first edition Michael Jackson LPs, antique emerald earrings, and rare North Korean lesbian porn DVDs. Of course, eBay is also great for selling your own unwanted stuff to generate much needed cash for Dadget purchases. But, my friend, here is where you must be very, very careful.

Amateur Dadget buyer: “Darling, I thought I would sell my old golf clubs on eBay.”

Trouser-wearing wife: “Oh, great! We’ll put the money towards little Johnny’s college fund.”

Now, do you see what happened there? With the mere sniff of some extra money, your wife has saved it before you can even spit out that little Johnny would actually love a PlayStation 3. You’ll have to be a little cleverer than that:

“Darling, I was thinking that Henry would really love a PlayStation 3.”

“But we can’t afford that.  And he’s only 1.”

“I know, I know, but I thought if I sold my old golf clubs on eBay, and a couple of your old designer handbags, between us we could pool that money together to make Henry’s little dreams come true. Imagine his cute smile while we’re all playing SingStar together, as a family.”

“You’re so thoughtful!  Oh, go on then.  And if there’s any change you should buy yourself one of those credit card torches.”

“My eyes are welling up in admiration of your beauteousness.”

Congratulations! You made it through the gruelling ordeal of intercourse with your wife, and your sperm swam valiantly onwards to victory. Now you’re ready to move on to the next phase of iPhone apps.

The only pregnancy application you’ll ever need is iPregnancy. This app will follow progress towards your due date, display representative 3D images of your baby as it grows, and provide you with many facts and figures on its development. It can also remind you of upcoming midwife appointments and even allow you to keep a list of favourite names, which can be selected from a built-in database of popular choices.

As you approach fatherhood you’ll also need to keep a tighter rein on your finances, so I recommend using iXpenseit to track your incomings and outgoings. New entries can be entered with a few taps, and impressive looking graphs and charts show you exactly how broke you really are.

Finally, as you approach fatherhood you’ll be needing to use the eBay iPhone app to keep track of your house clearance. As well as selling your old tat to make room for ‘baby stuff’, now is also a great time to sell off your old porn collection.