eBay is useful for many things – first edition Michael Jackson LPs, antique emerald earrings, and rare North Korean lesbian porn DVDs. Of course, eBay is also great for selling your own unwanted stuff to generate much needed cash for Dadget purchases. But, my friend, here is where you must be very, very careful.

Amateur Dadget buyer: “Darling, I thought I would sell my old golf clubs on eBay.”

Trouser-wearing wife: “Oh, great! We’ll put the money towards little Johnny’s college fund.”

Now, do you see what happened there? With the mere sniff of some extra money, your wife has saved it before you can even spit out that little Johnny would actually love a PlayStation 3. You’ll have to be a little cleverer than that:

“Darling, I was thinking that Henry would really love a PlayStation 3.”

“But we can’t afford that.  And he’s only 1.”

“I know, I know, but I thought if I sold my old golf clubs on eBay, and a couple of your old designer handbags, between us we could pool that money together to make Henry’s little dreams come true. Imagine his cute smile while we’re all playing SingStar together, as a family.”

“You’re so thoughtful!  Oh, go on then.  And if there’s any change you should buy yourself one of those credit card torches.”

“My eyes are welling up in admiration of your beauteousness.”

Having your wife under the weather can be quite a chore, especially if you have to look after the kids as well. Fetch me this, go get me that, wipe my nose, scratch my feet – it can all get a little tiring. However, the wise Dadget-lovers amongst you will sense a fantabulous Dadget purchasing opportunity.

A sick wife is a helpless wife, and any temporary illness is a perfect time to ask approval for the Dadget that would ordinarily be out of your reach. I especially recommend selecting the ‘drowsy’ variant of any medication so that she’ll be even more amenable to your request.

BONUS TIP: Pregnancy is the golden period for Dadget authorisation as you’ll have 9 months of weakness and vulnerability.

“Here’s another Lemsip, darling.”

“I love you so much. You’re taking such wonderful care of me, and our baby boy. I’m so pathetic when I’m ill.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m just happy that I can be here to help…and I’m also happy that you’ll be at home all day tomorrow for my package. Our new HD camcorder is due to be delivered.”

“Oh, you ordered one of those? Well, you deserve it after everything you’ve been doing for us both. You should get yourself that new military torch you’ve been wanting, too.”

“Even with a string of snot hanging from your delicate nose, you are still the most beautiful flower in the whole wide world.”

No, no, no – not her bicycle, her menstrual cycle! For generations men have been suffering at the vicious hands of our lady-folk’s egg-dropping routine, but now it’s time to fight back and earn some Dadgets for our centuries of hardship.

The key to this tip is knowing your wife’s cycle, so I suggest investing in a pocket calendar or some clever iPhone application (search the app store for something like “How can I track when my wife is going to turn into a crazed lunatic each month”). Armed with this information, you’ll know the best time to bite.

Now you might expect my next piece of advice to be based on asking for Dadget-purchase authority when she is not in her monthly mood. In fact, I encourage you to do exactly the opposite. Whip out that huge list of elaborate and expensive Dadgets that you know she’ll never approve, and ask her at the worst possible time of the month. Not only will she say ‘No’ to each and every one of your suggestions, but she’ll also singe your eyebrows with the flames coming from her mouth.

Now to the real beauty of the plan. Later in the month, when she’s over the she-devil phase, ask her to sign off on a more realistic Dadget. Any initial reluctance can be overcome by the body of evidence that she flat-refused 20 other purchases you proposed only last week, and ended up pinning you against the wall with a meat cleaver during the discussion. Guilt will ensue, and approval will follow.

“Darling, muffin-pie – do you mind me buying a Nintendo Wii? Henry would love it!”

“No.  He’s only 10 months old, don’t be so ridiculous.”

“But only last week you refused to buy Henry that battery-powered Jeep convertible and the video wall for his bedroom. Don’t you remember how you swore at me so viciously while you were saying ‘no’?”

“I…er…well, I suppose a Wii would be OK. I’m sorry for being such a grump. And pick up a new torch for the car while you’re shopping, darling.”

“Your kindness reflects glowingly in the font of your beauty.”

Your wife thinks that layers of concrete and plasterboard actually magnify her voice, which is why she insists on talking to you when she is in a completely different room/floor/building to you. To compound the problem she then expects you to have absorbed and understood every last word of what she was banging on about, and she will test you on this at some random point over the next 7 years.

As annoying as this behaviour may be, it does open up a wonderful possibility for Dadget purchasing. When there is a Dadget that you simply must have, but you cannot apply any of my previous Wife Approval Tips, then you simply need to adopt the woman’s approach. In actual fact, don’t even go to the trouble of pretending to try to talk to them when you’re in a different room. How will they know?

“Look, honey – our new FreeSat HD+ box has finally arrived!”

“What? You never asked me about that.”

“Don’t be silly! Don’t you remember last month when we had that chat while you were drying your hair in the bedroom and I was taking a dump downstairs? You never said a word when I asked permission. In fact, you told me to pick up this awesome head torch too. Thank you, darling. I love you.”

“I…but…oh, er, yes, I think I remember now. I love you too.”

“You are my radiant pearl of beauty.”

Often your wife will disapprove of your Dadget purchase, no matter how amazing and relevant to your child, merely on the grounds of cost.  If you ever sense that this will be the case, then be sure to present your request in foreign currency.  Allow me to demonstrate:

“Darling, I really think our special little Henry would love this gold plated money clip for his pocket money.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, that must cost a fortune.”

“It’s only 20 Dinah.  The plastic one you wanted to buy him costs over 40,000 Rupiah.  It’s like the toy companies can charge whatever price they want.  Now that’s ridiculous.”

“Only 20 Dinah, eh?  Go on then.  And treat yourself to another torch – you deserve it.”

“You are my special princess.”

I’ll be sharing regular tips on how you can seal wife approval for those special gadgets, and in this first instalment I’m giving you the underlying principal that should influence all of your future gadget purchases – always, always, always make a link to your child.

No matter how tenuous the connection between a gadget and your offspring, you simply must make that link in order to turn the gadget into a Dadget and make it impossible for your wife to say no.  Let me show you how this works:

“Darling, I’ve seen this great game that Henry will absolutely love.  It’s a snakes & ladders shot glass set!”

“Did you say ‘shot glass’?”

“Yeah!  How cool will it be if we can play games with him and get him to eat his mashed up carrots from all these little glasses?!”

“Er, yes, actually that sounds like a great idea.  Buy one now.  And get yourself a new torch while you’re online, too.”

“I love you.”